meet me or not, i'm out of control
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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