Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
