i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
