Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You ate ashes out of my bong
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
there is another microwave in the elevator.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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