My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
