Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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