If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
