You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
