Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
