is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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