That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
