Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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