Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
