I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
