I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize