Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
The beer is more important than you right now.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
