Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize