My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
