everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
