At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
