Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
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