stop calling my apartment porn island.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Randomize
