Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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