sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Randomize
