you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
