i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
