So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
