ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
