nut hugger
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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