My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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