Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
