I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
