Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
