I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
