Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize