My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Randomize
