fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
