My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
