dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
