Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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