You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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