I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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