I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
