you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize