I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
as a side note pls kill me
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
