yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
