you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
