You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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