i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
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