Where did you get a picture of my penis
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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