He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
