I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
