she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
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