Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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