Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
im six kinds of drunk right now
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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