eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
