but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
