you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
