I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
