I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
