I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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