So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
