he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize