first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I think my fart just growled at me.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
