Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
