I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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