dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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