at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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