It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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