I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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