Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
