Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize